I dunno...

I have so much to type. So many emotions to let out. But I am tired and don't feel like typing everything that I have been writing for the past few weeks so...there you go. I think that peice of paper is in my purse, but I don't know any more. I might have lost it forever in the garbage, someone else might have found it and known what I was crying over that day, or maybe it's just packed in a box somewhere. Everything else is.

I take comfort in the fact that no one ever reads my blog...at least no one I know. I hope not. They all think that I'm happy all the time, that one really bad joke can make me laugh and be hyper for the next two hours. None of them understand, and probably will never understand what I am going through, what I have been going through. They think that I tell them everything.

I want to listen to really loud music, the kind with lots of screaming, although I don't normally listen to that sort of thing. I can't because it's late, the people upstairs (and my family) would complain andI don't think that I have much of anything like that on my mp3 player. It's funny, I didn't notice before, but most of the music on my mp3 player is pretty quiet. I don't listen to a lot of mainstream music so yeah, it's pretty quiet. Except the copious amounts of Matt Good. Speaking of Matt Good, There's a song by him that has been running through my mind a lot for the past month or so called Message to God. The words say a lot about what I've been feeling recently.

If you can hear me, take me away from here,
For I'm no longer the person I thought I'd be.
There is no reason for me to go on like this.
I try to cry out, but no one will listen to me.