Being a transvestite in Afghanistan is pointless.

Today's post is all about presents. Tomorrow I will talk about my day, which turned out to be very interesting...

Anyways, presents. I must say that the best gift that I received today, and one of the best that I've ever received from a friend, was an empty box from SUS, for what is more useful than an empty box? As SUS said today in block four, "What's important is not the box, but what's in the box, which is nothing. It cost me a dollar by the way." I then opened my box to see this:


Apparently it took her two hours to paint. She also painted boxes for Megan, Krisha, Sue, Maryanne, Tiff, Rhena and three other people. Each one was personalized.

I also received an inordinate amount of candy canes today from various people. I gave the one that I got from Faaria to Jamie, because I suddenly remembered that I hadn't gotten him a gift, and the last card that I made for him was a threat card. Siobhan gave me perfume and some of her dad's homemade candy, which was a nice break from my mom's somewhat similar homemade candy, which was basically what I survived on all day.

I personally gave out thirteen Christmas Cards with somewhat long, personalized messages.

The most interesting present received today except for the empty box, was given to my mom during the School District 43's annual Christmas Party and gift exchange. My parent's contributions were a vintage lunchbox depicting an old advertisement about bran being good for your bowels, and a fish on a stick. But I think that my mother got the best present of all from that gift exchange:



The inside cover reads:

At last, the book the world has been waiting for. This is my life.

Here between the covers of one beautiful book are answers to the questions which you and your loved ones have been asking for years. What was my childhood like? My schooldays? What was my relationship with my two brothers? How did I meet my future bridesmaid, Madge Allsop? How, in Heaven's name, did I become the terrified prisoner of the Nazis in the early years of the Second World War? What did a horrible ethnic type of person once show me in a lonely Melbourne park which caused me to run for my life with my heart in my mouth? How did I meet Norm? Was he the first? What happened on my wedding night? (This chapter even surprised me.) How did I cope with motherhood, superstardom - and bereavement? Why is my talented son Kenny still unmarried? Why has my daughter Valmai gone off the rails? What is life like in the megastar community?

This is a woman's book that men will love. It's a human interest story that Martians could go along with. It is scorchingly imtimate, yet it's a book you could leave on the bedside of a troubled teenager - with good effect. It is a show-biz autobiography, a housewife's diary, a chunk of history, a hymn to life.

I hope this publication does not cause me to lose my mystery but it is my way of saying 'thank you' to Dame Nature for making me a Megastar. Buying it, reading it, adoring it will be your way of saying 'thank you' to me.


THANK YOU DAME EDNA! I have been asking these questions that you just outlined all my life. I am a troubled teenager in need of your infinite wisdom. Tell me what it's like to be a Megastar! My martian friend wants to read it too. This is a real chunk of history, Edna, because you have changed the world by publishing this. I can't wait to read this beautiful book!

Sounds like a best-seller.

I am actually going to read it. Seriously.

But I might skip the part about Edna's wedding night. If it even surprised her, I don't even want to know.

Anyone have any thoughts on this?